I have grown up believing in fairy tales that my mom used to read to me when I was a little child .I always had this notion that ,there's someone made for me ... Some prince charming who would sweep me off my feet and I would live happily ever after . But with age , I realized that there are no 'Happily ever afters' in real life. I have been very unlucky in love until I met my guy a year back .
I still remember the day when my X walked out of the 5 year old relation which I was sure would work out . I was completely devastated and shattered . I thought that probably I would never be able to move on in life .But time is the best healer . It didn't heal the would at all . It's still fresh and raw .But it's been able to calm it down to a great extent . I was so very proud of my previous relation .Thought that it was perfect in every way . I loved my guy more than myself .And i guess he did too. But then gradually it started to wear down and finally gave up.
"I am not the commitment guy "- that was his reason for turning back on me . I really didn't find it necessary to reason out with him as i just knew that it was over. And then he moved on . But my closet was still unclean with the remains of the skeletons . I somehow was in kind of a haze.
I joined work . Got some real good friends there . And whatever I am now ,I owe it to those 3 friends who showed me the path ahead .They were there like my guardian angels .They probably still have no idea ,what they meant to me at that juncture of life.
I forced myself to live . For me Breathing alone was life .I had lost interest in every little thing . Everything was a show ,a forced display of the fact that I have moved on . I started suffering from self pity . Every second millions of relations die out , but I felt that I am the only unfortunate creature who had been subjected to this pain .
And then after a year ,Soumya happened .It was probably the most unplanned and unpredictable moment of my life . I never had imagined in the wildest of my fantasies that the quiet , bookish ,meritorious guy from my class would display his affections for me .That too ,I came to know that he had been loving me for all those 5 years when I was into my previous relationship silently and secretly.
When he proposed to me , I simply cried . I don't know what was I crying for ? Was it out of happiness or it had dawned on me suddenly that finally my closet was clean . I cried for the entire night. He took me in his arms and asked me to stop . But I had absolutely no clue what happened that night. 3 years of pain that I had kept bottled up within was finally giving way . I didn't know myself that I had so much pain inside me . That day I realized how much I loved my X . He was everywhere .I always had this feeling that he was there beside me but I couldn't touch him . We were separated by this thin invisible wall . But that night , the wall had broken and I realized that I was not yet over . I too had a life ahead and it could be nurtured again . Seeds of love could be planted once more .And i cried of sorrow ,happiness, relief .More than anything I cried for being able to move on .
Since then , we have been together . My X is there within me like a happy memory . A memory that I want to cherish all my life . A memory that will remind me of who I was for those 5 years of my life .And now I love Soumya dearly . I would not trade him for anything .I have just made myself understood that he's my destiny . We have nothing in common . We are poles apart , complete foil to each other . I guess that's the life support system of our relation .
Another 3 years and I am planning marriage . And hopefully i shall have a semi "Happily ever after " life if not a complete one . And standing at this juncture of life , when I got the love of my life ,I am happy and content with the way life is treating me ,I want God to give my X all that he had ever asked for .And even if a day comes when i finally start hating him , I am sure that the piece of me that he had taken with him the day he walked out on me ,would always wish the very best for him .
Finally I have my love with me and my closet is clean .... I have moved on :)
I still remember the day when my X walked out of the 5 year old relation which I was sure would work out . I was completely devastated and shattered . I thought that probably I would never be able to move on in life .But time is the best healer . It didn't heal the would at all . It's still fresh and raw .But it's been able to calm it down to a great extent . I was so very proud of my previous relation .Thought that it was perfect in every way . I loved my guy more than myself .And i guess he did too. But then gradually it started to wear down and finally gave up.
"I am not the commitment guy "- that was his reason for turning back on me . I really didn't find it necessary to reason out with him as i just knew that it was over. And then he moved on . But my closet was still unclean with the remains of the skeletons . I somehow was in kind of a haze.
I joined work . Got some real good friends there . And whatever I am now ,I owe it to those 3 friends who showed me the path ahead .They were there like my guardian angels .They probably still have no idea ,what they meant to me at that juncture of life.
I forced myself to live . For me Breathing alone was life .I had lost interest in every little thing . Everything was a show ,a forced display of the fact that I have moved on . I started suffering from self pity . Every second millions of relations die out , but I felt that I am the only unfortunate creature who had been subjected to this pain .
And then after a year ,Soumya happened .It was probably the most unplanned and unpredictable moment of my life . I never had imagined in the wildest of my fantasies that the quiet , bookish ,meritorious guy from my class would display his affections for me .That too ,I came to know that he had been loving me for all those 5 years when I was into my previous relationship silently and secretly.
When he proposed to me , I simply cried . I don't know what was I crying for ? Was it out of happiness or it had dawned on me suddenly that finally my closet was clean . I cried for the entire night. He took me in his arms and asked me to stop . But I had absolutely no clue what happened that night. 3 years of pain that I had kept bottled up within was finally giving way . I didn't know myself that I had so much pain inside me . That day I realized how much I loved my X . He was everywhere .I always had this feeling that he was there beside me but I couldn't touch him . We were separated by this thin invisible wall . But that night , the wall had broken and I realized that I was not yet over . I too had a life ahead and it could be nurtured again . Seeds of love could be planted once more .And i cried of sorrow ,happiness, relief .More than anything I cried for being able to move on .
Another 3 years and I am planning marriage . And hopefully i shall have a semi "Happily ever after " life if not a complete one . And standing at this juncture of life , when I got the love of my life ,I am happy and content with the way life is treating me ,I want God to give my X all that he had ever asked for .And even if a day comes when i finally start hating him , I am sure that the piece of me that he had taken with him the day he walked out on me ,would always wish the very best for him .
Finally I have my love with me and my closet is clean .... I have moved on :)
3 comments:
Innocent, straight forward, truthful and heartfelt...I could sense the pain and the passion, the listlessness, the lost feeling and finally the desire to give life a second chance.
I think you are a very sensitive writer. I loved this piece.
Hey thanx mona mashi ... Ur comment is an inspiration
crap ... write something sensible ... keep some emotions for your own self ...
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