Wednesday, January 14, 2009

God this is so disturbing ...I have no idea what to believe and whom to believe .I just have one good friend(wont mention the name_Letz say X) .I trust X so much , confide in X everything .And the kind of person I am ,I expect X to be the same with me.
But people around me keep telling me things about X and I'm just not ready to buy any as i know that X can never be wrong and X never feels the need to lie to me for any good reason.Once a person who was once very close to X had told me that X is a lier and that even I am not precluded from the list .I had almost fought with that person in the course of defending X.
But then another very good friend of mine witnessed few uncomfortable moments when X was around.And he poured into me as if he was suffering from tremendous acidity and it was absolutely urgent for him to throw up .
And now under many circumstances ,i find it difficult to hold on to my trust .I feel that may be I never tried to see through X and discover the actual person X is .It is troubling me as I dont want to find anything wrong about X .
I would loved to be proved wrong as X is the only friend I have.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Well theres nothing much to write today . Soumyadeep got selected for Commonweath Scholarship and I am the happiest person on the face of the earth.He really deserves it .I just want to fast forward time to the moment when everything will get fixed about my going to UK and finally I shall reach the International Terminal to board my flight to London . I can literally smell the luggage and my mom's tears .

I am so looking forward to moving out of here ASAP.There's nothing over here . I mean India,specially Kolkata will always hold a very special place in my heart . But I think India is not the place where i should be right now . I need to learn a lot , explore a lot . I am so damn bored with my monotonous life here.
Well thats all folks . I have nothing more to write now .So long . BBye . Cya

Monday, January 5, 2009

Hi everyone , its been some while since i last penned down here.Well nothing eventful was happening in my life so long. 2008 ended on a sweet and happy note . Along with my friends i dined out . Booze was prohibited for me for my Diabetes. Then we came down to our favorite and monotonous halt CCD. There after having quenched out thirst for caffeine, we went to City Centre . There the countdown began and we bid farewell to 2008 and welcome 2009 . Then from there all of us(8 in the group including me) came down home and then guess what ...'SLEPT' ....

Thats it .Dont know why , but for some reason I am feeling frustrated for the last few days .I am having a feel as if I am leading this black and white life completely devoid of any colour. I dont like it .I am fun loving person . I want to be surrounded by love,laughter , fun and frolic , colours everywhere . But something important is missing in my life despite the fact that I have everything.

Why am i feeling like this ?I have a lovely guy in my life , who loves me a lot and i love him too .But may be this attitude problem that he has is troubling me . I at times cant take in the constant 'NO's and the 'DO WHATEVER YOU LIKE' attitude. It's so strange that we women always have to live by the whims of others . It's disgusting at times.

I love my guy a lot . I mean i can possibly do anything to see him happy . But there are few things which i have kinda pictured in my mind , the day we started this journey together . And now that at times dune to many tiny- piny reasons when my preconceived image does not match with the real picture , i lose it .
I feel so depressed . I literally go into depression and there is absolutely no one whom I can share my thoughts with . So i pen it down over here , irrespective of the fact that no one reads it..

I hope to have happier times ahead once I go to UK . Things probably will be different there . I'll be having new friends , new place , a completely new world for me .I have never stayed away from my folks , so in that way it will be kinda learning experience for me and i can get to know a lot more about myself. I dont know . i think I am just a bunch of confused emotions and I dont know what is best for me ....

Anyways a lot for today . see u l8r. bye

My Poem


It’s never been easy for me

To find words to describe how I feel

But I managed to scribble these few lines to let you know -

That I love you too much to let you go.

U gave me a reason to live again and smile

I had been living a lifeless life for some while

But you came into my life and showed me so much light

That I can see with my eyes tight shut – as you've become my sight.

There was darkness all around me and I was cold,

I craved for a loving touch, but there was none for me to hold.

Then u popped into my life like my guardian angel,

And POOF! My miseries vanished like u had cast some magic spell.

U held me tight, and I felt strong

With u by my side, nothing could go wrong.

You are my hero, you are my man

I'd die to see you happy; I’ll do all the best I can.

No matter how much we fight; afresh we can always start

Cuz I need you despite the fact that we are poles apart

So forgive me for all the wrong I do,

This is my firts poem – WITH LOVE TO YOU.