Tuesday, November 18, 2008

I miss you :(

Yesterday i was diagnosed as diabetic.my blood sugar level has supposedly shot up and i have become sweeter than required .My doc made a diet chart for me which i am supposed to follow strictly and mom has already started getting mad at me regarding that. i am completely forbidden from having FAST FOODS - how I'll miss KFC,PIZZA HUT, SUBWAY,CCD so on and so forth.Gosh ! Y me ????????? there are so many people of my age hogging all these away to glory , but its only me who have to pay the price.Its disgusting . At times I feel that God's picking on me ... Somewhere up there he's playing a game where he has to spot me whenever i am happy which i seldom am.My parents are very worried for me .My boyfriend looks worried and sounds quite rigid when he asked me not to have any outside food. But look at me ??? I am suffering ! They say that before i go for my Visas , during the medical check up , if they find that I am diabetic , my visas as well might get cancelled.. :( Gosh !!! i am scared only because of this .. i mean life is now less important than my going to the UK for my PG. Life here has kind of become static.theres no movement . same thing everyday .. right now i am sitting in office and have nothing to do... spending a lazy aftenoon brooding over my newly formed disease . and hey guys , i know that my blogs are not interesting at all but if u guys by any chance happen to go through them , kindly leave a comment behind.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Y am i having this feeling all of a sudden .. nothing around me looks pretty to me .nothing around me seems to make me happy . I am frowning all the time. is it because i am being forced to kill the child in me ?

The society does not value innocence and simplicity.If you try to be honest, you are pushed light years away from the desired result and eventually you take refuge of lies .If you are simple and treat people well , u are almost breaking the 11th commandment by expecting people to treat you the same way .Corruption , dishonesty,impoliteness,shrewdness have become the key to success now.if u want to be in the good books of people , you cannot afford to be the person you are .Instead you have to be the person ,people want you to be and eventually they turn u into.

I am so god damn disgusted with the way things work in the society.
i always took pride in the fact that in spite of being 25 , i have been able to keep the child alive within me. I always thought that a smile can set everything right . But people around me prove me wrong .And it's really paining me every time a part of that child in me is giving up the ugly fight against the so called mature and 'GROWN UP' world and breathing its last breath.

I am forced to be what i am not , and in the course i am losing all interest in everything i am doing.Only few good friends and my family loves me for what i am. And i know that that's enough .But then why do i seek out to win hearts of everyone I come across?I always want to spread happiness and love everywhere i go and i want to be loved back.But I have found that in today's age when even men are having robots for their better halves , LOVE holds absolutely no meaning.People does not want to be loved . Everyone just wants to get their job done .That's what we call CIVILIZATION.So ironic it is.

I really don't know if anybody is reading all that i am writing and i really don't care if I am being able to entertain anybody.There are times when words fail you and you boil down to nothing but a mesh of confusion,dissolution,depression and all sorts of negative emotions.
So kindly bare with me readers. May b with time , once i get rid of all the bitterness inside me , even I'll come up with lovely heart touching Blogs. till then -Good Bye

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

My first disorganized blog

everybody said that the book 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari' by Robin Sharma  is a piece of shit on self improvement and so all these days i restrained myself from reading it . but then curiousity got the better of me and i finnaly bought the book .Have read almost 50% of it and know what i am actually liking it . i feel that each one of us should read the book .
i am really learning a lot from the book .but there are few things in the book which i think even though 100% correct is impossible to practice. its easier said than done .there they ask us to do whatever we feel right and are really passionate about.But is it really possible ?i mean i am a software engineer . passed out last year and have been working for the last 1 year. and trust me , i dont like my job at all as theres hardly anything to do.the work is so damn clerical.i want to do something more challenging and meaningful.but theres absolutely no scope for it.Office sucks big time.there's no appreciation for everytime you do something  good and potray your potential , but no one will even think twice before critizing and rebuke you for a trivial mistake you make.
at times i feel like running away to the greens. i want to stay amidst nature , away from the hustle and bustle of the city . i feel that the city is very cruel . the grey smokes and the noise takes the form of a GREY monster infromt of me .i feel fatigued all the time as more than half of the time i do things just for the sake of doing it . i go to office as i know that i have to work . but i dont enjoy my work . i feel that had i worked at an animal home , looking after stray animals , nurturung them , helping them out i would have been much happier.
but in India , theres no scope for such a thing . u cannot make a living that way.
This is my first Blog , so i am not very comfortable writting it .may be with time and more blogs i'll get the habit of writing a much more oganized blog.