A GIRL'S CRY ...dedicated to all those women who have been ditched in life by the person she thought ,loved her the most

When u told me that you loved me no more
My senses went numb,blood gushed to my head
Thoughts jumbled in my mind like noodles in a bowl
I couldn't think straight ;and I wish I was dead
I could feel nothing solid under my feet
Darkness shrouded my vision ,
My eyes were dry,coz they had cried their bit
I felt belrayed by all , my body was my prison .
My heart wouldnt beat the way it did
My lips wouldn't curve into a smile
My face wouldn't glow, my cheeks wouldn't blush
And i thought, they were my own all this while.
I welcomed each day with a grieving heart,
Devicing plans of winning you back
Just not able to make a new start ,
I lived in my past losing time's track.
I walked like a corpse,looked like one too -
Oblivious to the gossips and stares ,
Avoided friends for fear of being questioned -
The answer to which I myself couldn't yet bear...

Everything around me turned a strange grey
I found beauty in nothhing, found love in none.
Couples made me jealous, happiness made me sad
Friends and family thought I was probably going mad.
They tried to cheer me in every possible way
By keeping your memories far at bay ,
But i wouldnt't revive , I wouldnt budge
The hole in my heart was now getting filled with grudge,
But this wasn't me I knew it very well ,
This feeling was alien too , and I hated it like hell ,
It followed me like my shadow ,crept into my dreams at night
It wouldn't let me be , no matter how much I fight
I wanted you to come and see ,
What in the world you had done to me
But you were happy in your own Merryland ,
But there's one thing, I wanted you to understand
That this is a phase , and it shall pass too
And I shall rise again
But I want to thank you from the core of my heart ,
for inflicting so much pain -
Coz, It made me stronger and embossed in my mind
"Do whatever you do but , never love a man again !"

IF ONLY

If only you were here, my love

If only you were here -
I would fight through all the battles

And would embrace death without fear.

If only the world had known, my love

If only the world had known -

That tender fruits have grown out of -

The seeds of love we had sown.

If only you'd hold me tight, my love

If only you'd hold me tight -

I would never let you go anywhere

Would capture you in my sight.

If only we were together, my love

If only we were together -

This heaviness pressing upon my heart

Would seem lighter than a feather.

If only I could die, my love

If only I could die -

None could snatch you away from me

I would never have to say 'Good Bye'.

VOICE OF A PISSED OFF MIND

I woke up today with a heavy heart,

Something was wrong within –

It ached to breathe, it ached to move

And I simply didn’t feel like living

The weather outside is too romantic,

And I’m on my way to office.

The pain inside is getting stronger

I guess it’s you whom I’m missing.

3 long months it has been,

3 long months, since you’ve been gone;

3 long months, since I’ve held you close

3 long months, since I’ve had some fun.

You are enjoying a Bar-B-Q there,

With all the wine and chicken;

It’s me, who’s thinking of you every minute,

Having bouts of depression quite often.

I want to stay where you are

Enough of this long distance crap

I’m sad and sobbing and whining and cribbing,

Cuz I’m pissed off with this geographical gap.

Do you even think of me once?

While you’re having fun?

You’ll marry me next year; There’s nothing I wanna hear;

It’s an order! All said and done …

Pre-Loneliness

I am getting overwhelmed by this feeling of pre-loneliness. I can’t really imagine my life without my boyfriend now. For the past 2 years , we have always been together. I have got so used to being together, that I cant simply imagine how life's going to be when he will be gone. In few days , he will be in a totally different continent .. We shall be separated by 5.5 hours. ISD calls and time management to get in touch with him at some convenient overlapping time will become my daily routine.

I always thought that I wont make my life revolve around his . In a nutshell, I didn't want to live a boyfriend centric life. Wanted to have my own circle, so that at times such as this, I don't feel lonely and lost … But at the end of the day , I am feeling lonely despite the fact that I have been able to create a very non boyfriend centric life for myself.
This “What will I do when he shall be gone" phase is pathetic. I know, that after feeling upset and “I cant live without him” for a few days, I will sort things out and carry on with my life. Today he got his Visa and completed his packing. I wish I could go with him to Melbourne … Enjoy Australia with him. But that's not possible and I have to be satisfied with the fact that my boyfriend's on-site trip is somewhat equivalent to my own …Seeing through his eyes kind- though it sucks !(Esteem wise,though I would have loved to go on a trip myself)

His office is pretty close to mine , so we have lunch together for the last 2 years now(Long time, you see to get addicted to something). And now, everyday at lunch time, I know, I am going to have this feeling - “This is the place we used to hog and these are the dishes he used to love and blah blah blah” .. And actually I might even skip lunch for the first few days when I'll be at the pioneering heights of “Oh! I am missing my boyfriend phase”.

U must be thinking (actually I'm thinking myself , what exactly am I trying to say?)... Well, to be precise I am trying to say that I will miss that idiot big time when he wont be here. I will miss everything about him... His sick jokes which only I could laugh on,his terrible fashion sense at times, when he would be too lazy to dig into his wardrobe, his attitude and mood swings which at times makes me think twice on my decision of spending the rest of my life with him,his road rage while he is driving, his extreme laziness which irritates me all the time... So u see, there are so many things that I actually don't like about him(I have mentioned only few).

But now, when it's time for him to say goodbye, I realize that these are exactly the things that I love about him. I like to laugh at his jokes, as it makes him look funny. I like correcting him all the time- his hair, his over or under tucked shirt , his collars- and always try to make him look better. I like taking care of these minute details, which he probably intentionally overlooks. I like nagging him to take me out; and when he finally gives in , it makes me feel so special and cared for. Had it not been for all these and many more which I cant recollect now, our relation would have been so bland and monotonous. There's always this newness in our relation which comes with the differences we face as two completely different people.

Yesterday I didn't have much to do at office... And I penned down this poem for him... And after reading it, he said “Ya,it's OK”.. I was waiting for a “Wow ! Excellent Baby !  ” But that's what ! Any other guy would have said that... But he didn't. But I know that he liked it. I know it from the way he said “Ya,OK”. That's the mystery in our relationship which I am going to miss.That "dig out from my expression" game which we play all the time. A curiosity to know what will happen next actually gives the relation its zing, a boost to move forward in this world, where in every 1 second some million or perhaps zillion  hearts break. Otherwise , it would have been this platonic kind where boy knows the girl, the girl knows the boy, and there's hardly anything new to explore at least for half your life.

OK, vented out enough. I know that I shall make more entries once he leaves as I'll lose a pair of ears to speak to … Oh! Since I mentioned my poem I'll post it here...

Please appreciate it … I need it . U can by now have understood that my life has dearth of true appreciation.
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Miss You
The days will be the same and the nights as well,
Once you shall be gone
But there's one little thing that will change a bit,
But it will be visible to none.

That little thing is right within me
That beats to your name each day
That loses its hue when you are sad
And turns crimson when you are gay

That little thing will weep silently
When you will say goodbye
But that silly confused thing will also be happy
As you go to make something big outta your life

It will wait for you to come back
And until that fateful day
I swear to protect that little thing
As it's yours anyway


Though that little thing will miss you badly
It will be happy to think this way
That somewhere in some other part of the world
You are thinking about it, the same way


That little thing is my silly heart
That starts at the sound of your name
It is completely under your spell now
And you're the one to be blamed

You have showered so much love on it
As no one else has ever done before,
That it just wants to stay close to your heart
And from you it wants absolutely nothing more...

I WILL MISS YOU ......

Good Bye Chand

You are leaving the town
But our bond will be as it has always been
With time I hope it gets even stronger
Let geography not come in between

You shall always be with me in spirit
Coz you are my only friend
I'm broke at present;Sorry couldn't buy you a gift
So through this all my love and good wishes I send

Enjoy your life like there's no tomorrow
Forget your past ,your losses and sorrows
But don't you dare forget me there
Coz even you know that I'm your only friend who cares

So with a tear and a smile ,i bid you good bye
I cant promise you that I won't cry
But please bring me a gift when you come back
So long , Good Bye n Good Luck !

Happy Valentine's day - For my love

Frank Anthony Public School, in the year 2001

My first day in 11 Science, and there I met someone

He was the monitor of the class and soon we became friends

It is the beginning of a Story that was written without an end -

Written by God himself; with us He played a game

He made us meet and made us part

But kept the bond the same.

School got over, he left the town

But somehow we kept in touch,

Through Seldom calls and online chats

But we never saw each other much.

And then fate brought him back to town

At a friend’s wedding we all came down

There after 4 long years again we all met

And there we planned a little trip; I guess it was preset

16th August-it was D day

When I first saw him going out of his way -

To tell me how he felt for me for all these 5 long years,

I was stumped and could hardly speak

My throat was clogged with tears

Since then, till now and for years to come

I know that he's my and I am his 'Chosen One'.

So this is our little story and a great way to say –

I love you dear; you are very Special and –

“Happy Valentine’s Day “


*************************************

Would You ?

Would you still love me dear
When I'm no more in your town ?


would you still wait for me
Until the sun sets down ?


Would you still buy me dresses
When I'm left with no penny ?


Would I still be your one and only
Amongst your friends so many ?


Would you still come to see me
While I'm down with a 104 ?


Would you still be the first one to wish me
On my B'day when I open my door ?


Would you still hug me tight
When I'm upset and down ?


Would you still do anything to cheer me up
When I lose my smiles and frown ?


Would you still think of me
While you'r ready to go to bed ?

Would you still get mad at me
When I try to do something and screw things up insted ?


Would you still fight with me
About small and silly things ?


Would you still pretend to not hear me
When I talk about my wedding ring ?


Would you still wish to have me
As your lawfully wedded wife ?


Coz I would still be loving you
For all my God damn life .


I would think of you daily
You shall always remain in my heart.


As long as I love you
Even death can't do us part.


I'm going because you ask me to
But my love shall stay with you ,


I'm just afraid that you would forget me
So I'm asking - Would you ?

What u made of me

Together we spent splendid moments
Moments of love and care
Together we grew up in love and life
A single life we both shared


Then there came a moment
When a chill crept between us
U started despising the word 'Together'
It became u and me - and no more 'US'


U stayed away from me for days
And days counted to years
A foolish me and ignorant as i was
Bore it all with tears


I thought of u daily
U were always there on my mind
I tried bringing u back somehow
But the old you i could no more find

Finally u said it , the 3 grave words
The words that ruined my life
They turned my life upside down
And cut through my heart like a knife


You no more wanted to be a part of me
And wanted a life of your own
You said 'You wanna quit ' and broke my heart
As if it was made of stone


You ousted me out of your house
And i didn't know where to go
I stood there alone with tears shut in my eyes
Drained of all strength for any further to go


I lost my faith , i lost it all
My smiles faded away
And now it's an act of happiness
That i manage to put up everyday

My Poem

WITH LOVE TO YOU

It’s never been easy for me

To find words to describe how I feel

But I managed to scribble these few lines to let you know -

That I love you too much to let you go.

U gave me a reason to live again and smile

I had been living a lifeless life for some while

But you came into my life and showed me so much light

That I can see with my eyes tight shut – as you've become my sight.

There was darkness all around me and I was cold,

I craved for a loving touch, but there was none for me to hold.

Then u popped into my life like my guardian angel,

And POOF! My miseries vanished like u had cast some magic spell.

U held me tight, and I felt strong

With u by my side, nothing could go wrong.

You are my hero, you are my man

I'd die to see you happy; I’ll do all the best I can.

No matter how much we fight; afresh we can always start

Cuz I need you despite the fact that we are poles apart

So forgive me for all the wrong I do,

This is my firts poem – WITH LOVE TO YOU.

~Sohini