FINAL DESTINATION

When I had watched the movie , Final Destination , I booed it and asked all my friends not  to waste money and their time on that C-grade movie. It was crappy with this weird concept of death being planned for everyone beforehand, and if it's destined, nothing can save you.And if you are not meant to die, you will just keep on living.

But yesterday , an event in my life, made me think twice on the concept on which the movie was made. Yesterday, my aunt and I was supposed to visit a relative, who lives in the suburbs. The place is pretty far from the city and almost 2 hours drive on the highway.

My dad didn't want to go from the very beginning. Just as we were about to leave, dad decided to go , as he was not sure if we could find the house. My aunt had hired a driver. While going , he drove pretty fast, and we reached earlier than usual .

After spending the noon there, we started for home. After a nice , sumptuous lunch , me and my aunt were deep asleep at the rear seat of the car. Dad sat in front, and asked the driver to drive slowly as we were in no hurry.

I was almost dreaming, with the cool breeze washing away all my stress out of my mind.Suddenly, I heard dad shout at the top of his voice, there was a screeching noise of the wheels and the car sped its way towards the left lane. I instantly thought that , it must have hit someone.

My dad was trembling and there was beads of sweat on his forehead.Could not figure out anything of what happened. Then after pulling over the car, my dad said that the driver had dozed off to sleep while he was driving . He was about to hit the divider at full speed. My dad sensed it beforehand and turned the steering wheel towards left . The tires  were damaged , and the balance of the car was almost lost. The entire way , the car had to be driven at a speed of 40km/hr.

I was thinking then , if dad wouldn't have come, things would still have been the same. Aunt and me would have had slept away to glory , the driver would have dozed off on the wheels and eventually would have put us to sleep for eternity.

What do you call this ? Telepathy, Sixth sense or simply Destiny ?

I am still having goosebumps while I'm penning this down.Escaped death by a fraction of a nano-second may be .Wouldn't have been able to share this , had dad not decided to join us for the trip.

JUST ANOTHER DAY

I am really really really sad ; Sad with a capital S.

Today was my guy's birthday. He's miles away from me , sitting in Melbourne , cooking himself a Birthday Special Dinner . And here I am slogging the entire day , taking KT from my senior, attending client meetings and cribbing in the hearts of heart for not being able to spend some time with him(virtually on Skype).

Yesterday , i rushed back from office by 7.30 pm , so that I could at least wish him BANG on midnight .. (my 7:30 PM is his 12.:00 AM) .. That's the least I could do on his birth day . he has sent me a camera (Canon) from Australia, through a colleague. But I couldn't send him anything for his birthday....

He didn't want me to burden that guy with gifts .Strange ! He could do it , himself..

So all in all , I am frustrated, angry and sad ....  All of a sudden I'm having this feeling that I am being deprived of all the good and happy things in life. I dont have a boyfriend to hang around with (I mean he's not physically present). All my friends are getting married , going on their honeymoons and posting flashy , romantic pics on FB and Orkut .I don't see my wedding in the near future , which means no honeymoons obviously ....

And here I am sitting at office on a friday evening at 7.30 PM ,blogging all my frustrations and bitterness for many more losers like me to go through ...

So if any of you guys think that there's something that you can do do make me smile, please post nice , good comments ...

NO CRITICISM  PLEASE........

PAGES FROM MY DIARY

No more romantic poems this time ... Just a page from my diary.

I had been to Mondarmoni this weekend. It was quite a refreshing trip . After 2 hectic months , it was like a supply of oxygen to my otherwise de-oxidised self.

Initially I was not in a mood to go for this trip because of many reasons .Firstly i knew no one from the group other than a friend of mine , who actually insisted me to go.Secondly , this month I was sort of having a financial crunch. And thirdly , I would miss my guy big time as this was the place we had come together, a year back.So , adding up all the reasons , I was really really not ready to go.

But this friend of mine is getting married this year , and she had never been on such a trip  ever. She wanted me to come along , as her family would allow her to go , only on this condition .
After listening to her helpless pleadings , I couldn't actually refuse her. That's 'ME' - silly , emotional and 'stupid'.

Had any one (even the friend of mine)been in my position , he/she would have definitely backed out.
So , on Saturday morning , packed my bag , and left for this one night trip to the sea with 10 odd people.

Now lets come to the main attraction - 'Our Journey'

We had booked an AC bus for the trip, which was supposed to depart at 7.30 Am sharp.So as decided , we reached the terminus long before 7.30. But there was no sign of the bus.We kept running here and there , looking out for the right bus , till it started pouring like hell. The sky was pitch black and it just rained and rained. We took shelter at a tea shop, and our only protection from the rain was a platic sheet covering tthe shop. 11 of us crammed into that small place and then a man arrived with a huge goat. It had a chain aroung its neck and it was the size of a German Shepherd ...(not exxagerating a bit).

Anyway , our bus arrived after 8.30 .. and we had to actually step into the ultimate dirty water logging , in order to board it. I was regretting my decision all through , trust me. I was cursing myself , for having shown mercy on my friend.And then , finally, having got our seats, we all relaxed. Drenched, hungry,frustrated, angry,alienated from 10 others, I was missing home big time.But , I convinced myself that things won't be that bad.

No sooner had the bus started, than it broke down. We had not even crossed 2nd Hooghly Bridge, and we were stranded . The AC was turned off .. And there was a mixed odour of sweat, soaked socks,cakes,perfume,petrol inside the vessel. After enquring into the matter , got to know , that the silencer of the bus had given way. The driver and his helper fixed it in some time and then the whole way the bus went making a terrible noise , attracting abusive people all the way.

Finally , we reached Mondarmoni , and as expected we were late. The high tide was on the rise and the car carrying us from the terminus to the hotel had to wait for the water to subside. All of us got down from the car.. the sea was calling us . We girls , soaked our feet into the water. Had just started liking the trip , when everybody shouted from behind.
I looked back , and there were my slippers being carried away by the waves ...." Oh Fish ! What was wrong ?", i thought.
But the waves again brought back my slippers, one of them torn from the sides.
Exactly what I wanted !

The rest of the day was ok. Had a huge lunch.. Almost filled myself up till my lungs with food.... I was super hungry.The room was pretty good. Had a sea view and a pretty strong AC. That made me happy.Then at night , we started watching the World Cup - ARGENTINA VS GERMANY... I was supporting the former ..
And by now you must have understoond what followed.

Went to bed almost immediately after the 4th goal by Germany.Next day woke up pretty late . Breakfast was free and as usual I hogged . Food acted like my mood enhancer . And then started our journey homewards.
Had to have our lunch at a completely third-class resturant. But , no complaints... We were in a hurry to catch our bus.
The bus was AC and our seats were all scattered and uncomfortable.All the seats inclined back except mine...

"Perfect!", I thought again ...

IF ONLY

If only you were here, my love

If only you were here -
I would fight through all the battles

And would embrace death without fear.

If only the world had known, my love

If only the world had known -

That tender fruits have grown out of -

The seeds of love we had sown.

If only you'd hold me tight, my love

If only you'd hold me tight -

I would never let you go anywhere

Would capture you in my sight.

If only we were together, my love

If only we were together -

This heaviness pressing upon my heart

Would seem lighter than a feather.

If only I could die, my love

If only I could die -

None could snatch you away from me

I would never have to say 'Good Bye'.

VOICE OF A PISSED OFF MIND

I woke up today with a heavy heart,

Something was wrong within –

It ached to breathe, it ached to move

And I simply didn’t feel like living

The weather outside is too romantic,

And I’m on my way to office.

The pain inside is getting stronger

I guess it’s you whom I’m missing.

3 long months it has been,

3 long months, since you’ve been gone;

3 long months, since I’ve held you close

3 long months, since I’ve had some fun.

You are enjoying a Bar-B-Q there,

With all the wine and chicken;

It’s me, who’s thinking of you every minute,

Having bouts of depression quite often.

I want to stay where you are

Enough of this long distance crap

I’m sad and sobbing and whining and cribbing,

Cuz I’m pissed off with this geographical gap.

Do you even think of me once?

While you’re having fun?

You’ll marry me next year; There’s nothing I wanna hear;

It’s an order! All said and done …

AND THEIR WEAPON WAS LOVE .....

This blog of mine, I  dedicate to one of my best friends, ROHIT and his wife SONALI ,  for their  victory over hatred,cast ,creed ,colour , religion and all the other things made by human which overshadow the only blessing of God - Love.

The story started a couple of years back when my friend Rohit , after graduating with a B-Tech degree, still had some time left for joining the IT company. Out of boredom, he joined a BPO. He was pretty distressed and upset then , as he had recently come out of a long relation which didn't work out. There at the BPO, he met this shy, sobre, pretty much a foil to him, north Kolkata girl - Sonali .They became friends , and like every other destined love stories, they too fell in love. 

Rohit was happy. He called me up to tell me that he loved her, which I already knew. Both of them were very happy. But, one fine day , Sonali came to know(may be Rohit told her , i don't remember) that Rohit was a Christian and hell broke lose. Rohit had no intentions of hiding his religion , but he didn't feel that it was such a big thing anyway, to mention .. I mean nobody introduces oneself like " Hi , I am Rohit and I'm a christian".

Both of them were thinking of marriage , but Sonali knew that her family would have problems with the religion issue. And she was right. The two families grew violent. Sonali was asked not to keep in touch with Rohit . Sonli's family thought of getting her married somewhere else. But they kept loving each other. 

Finally , one day Sonali's parents gave in to her determination and spoke to Rohit's family about their marriage. Everything was fine , but neither of the families wanted to compromise on their religious rituals. The bride's family wanted a proper Hindu wedding , but the groom's family opposed to that. They didn't want their son to chant Hindu mantras. There was a huge chaos over all this. Tears, rage , grief became a constant in the relation. Sonali came over to my place and cried out to me. Rohit was angry too, but he couldn't go against his church. It was a mess.

But amidst all this mess, one thing survived like a silent prayer on their lips. It was their Love . It was the blessing of God that survived in their hearts , although  their families fought about their GODS. True love is said to have healing powers, and it did heal the warped  minds of the two families. Sometimes silence is louder than a chorus. And Rohit and Sonali's silence shouted out their love for each other.

Last week , they tied the knot. It was nothing less than a bollywood movie. But I am genuinely happy for both of them. All I can say is - GOD BLESS THEM.

Pre-Loneliness

I am getting overwhelmed by this feeling of pre-loneliness. I can’t really imagine my life without my boyfriend now. For the past 2 years , we have always been together. I have got so used to being together, that I cant simply imagine how life's going to be when he will be gone. In few days , he will be in a totally different continent .. We shall be separated by 5.5 hours. ISD calls and time management to get in touch with him at some convenient overlapping time will become my daily routine.

I always thought that I wont make my life revolve around his . In a nutshell, I didn't want to live a boyfriend centric life. Wanted to have my own circle, so that at times such as this, I don't feel lonely and lost … But at the end of the day , I am feeling lonely despite the fact that I have been able to create a very non boyfriend centric life for myself.
This “What will I do when he shall be gone" phase is pathetic. I know, that after feeling upset and “I cant live without him” for a few days, I will sort things out and carry on with my life. Today he got his Visa and completed his packing. I wish I could go with him to Melbourne … Enjoy Australia with him. But that's not possible and I have to be satisfied with the fact that my boyfriend's on-site trip is somewhat equivalent to my own …Seeing through his eyes kind- though it sucks !(Esteem wise,though I would have loved to go on a trip myself)

His office is pretty close to mine , so we have lunch together for the last 2 years now(Long time, you see to get addicted to something). And now, everyday at lunch time, I know, I am going to have this feeling - “This is the place we used to hog and these are the dishes he used to love and blah blah blah” .. And actually I might even skip lunch for the first few days when I'll be at the pioneering heights of “Oh! I am missing my boyfriend phase”.

U must be thinking (actually I'm thinking myself , what exactly am I trying to say?)... Well, to be precise I am trying to say that I will miss that idiot big time when he wont be here. I will miss everything about him... His sick jokes which only I could laugh on,his terrible fashion sense at times, when he would be too lazy to dig into his wardrobe, his attitude and mood swings which at times makes me think twice on my decision of spending the rest of my life with him,his road rage while he is driving, his extreme laziness which irritates me all the time... So u see, there are so many things that I actually don't like about him(I have mentioned only few).

But now, when it's time for him to say goodbye, I realize that these are exactly the things that I love about him. I like to laugh at his jokes, as it makes him look funny. I like correcting him all the time- his hair, his over or under tucked shirt , his collars- and always try to make him look better. I like taking care of these minute details, which he probably intentionally overlooks. I like nagging him to take me out; and when he finally gives in , it makes me feel so special and cared for. Had it not been for all these and many more which I cant recollect now, our relation would have been so bland and monotonous. There's always this newness in our relation which comes with the differences we face as two completely different people.

Yesterday I didn't have much to do at office... And I penned down this poem for him... And after reading it, he said “Ya,it's OK”.. I was waiting for a “Wow ! Excellent Baby !  ” But that's what ! Any other guy would have said that... But he didn't. But I know that he liked it. I know it from the way he said “Ya,OK”. That's the mystery in our relationship which I am going to miss.That "dig out from my expression" game which we play all the time. A curiosity to know what will happen next actually gives the relation its zing, a boost to move forward in this world, where in every 1 second some million or perhaps zillion  hearts break. Otherwise , it would have been this platonic kind where boy knows the girl, the girl knows the boy, and there's hardly anything new to explore at least for half your life.

OK, vented out enough. I know that I shall make more entries once he leaves as I'll lose a pair of ears to speak to … Oh! Since I mentioned my poem I'll post it here...

Please appreciate it … I need it . U can by now have understood that my life has dearth of true appreciation.
@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@
Miss You
The days will be the same and the nights as well,
Once you shall be gone
But there's one little thing that will change a bit,
But it will be visible to none.

That little thing is right within me
That beats to your name each day
That loses its hue when you are sad
And turns crimson when you are gay

That little thing will weep silently
When you will say goodbye
But that silly confused thing will also be happy
As you go to make something big outta your life

It will wait for you to come back
And until that fateful day
I swear to protect that little thing
As it's yours anyway


Though that little thing will miss you badly
It will be happy to think this way
That somewhere in some other part of the world
You are thinking about it, the same way


That little thing is my silly heart
That starts at the sound of your name
It is completely under your spell now
And you're the one to be blamed

You have showered so much love on it
As no one else has ever done before,
That it just wants to stay close to your heart
And from you it wants absolutely nothing more...

I WILL MISS YOU ......

LACKING IDEAS

I am sitting idle in office and have absolutely nothing to do . I have not been able to make any entries here for the last couple of months ,  as after reaching home , I hardly have any  energy left for blogging . But , trust  me I feel like  doing it all the  same.

Well , all this time I was thinking of what to write on ; and came to the conclusion  that  in these  2 months,  nothing striking has happened in my life . And I am not a  ‘writer ‘ – which means that I cannot pen down just anything . I need some real good stimuli to write . It might be a heart break , a happy event , something  socially disturbing etc etc … But it has to move me in some form  or the other .

So I was just leafing through  the pages of my  brain-diary and found that for approx 2 months nothing of this sort has actually happened in my life …  I have just been breathing like a machine .When I told this to a friend of mine who blogs as well, she was shocked ! She raised her eyebrows and  had this expression as if I was  either some nerd , who was  in no way in connection with the outer world,  or just too ignorant to all that which I am not a part of.

She told me that I could have written about saving the tigers , the Pune Blast, the budget and so many other issues that I am indirectly a part of.  Am I ? Don’t know ….  Since I was running short of time , I took her advice and left a G-Buzz “ Save the tigers “ … To which one of my friends from  ”THE IIM” very politely commented – 

“while I do appreciate the sentiments involved, I am unclear about my role in the bigger scheme of things. Well if I could save tigers by simply tweeting or buzzing, then I would surely have done so. Most of us, i suppose, dont have the competence to treat animals. As far as donating clothes are concerned, there are several destitute on the kolkata streets and, to be honest, i'd rather donate clothes or money to them than tigers. There is already enough voices raised against poaching. So simply shouting "do not poach, do not poach" would in no way change things. I feel this entire thing either is badly misdirected at the wrong target audience or is simply a marketing gimmick. And once again, no offense meant.”

Well , I think that he was right .. What can a blog or a badge in ur bag from Aircel do to save tigers …  How many effing poachers  will actually read them and even if any chance upon one, will they care ?So I dumped that  idea. Then I thought of writing about the Pune Blast …. What could I say which has already not been said ? And it’s done … People have died. The mother****s  have achieved what they had to and we are moving on …So , there's no point in writing on that issue as well .. But yeah ! I prayed for the ones who died and didn’t even know what they were dying for . I also  wish that these demented people who are on this killing spree get their balls infested with fleas and lose their hands at the same time (or something worse than this . But I don’t want them to die straight away ; that should not be their punishment). I hope God’s listening.

And as far as the budget is concerned , I don’t understand much of it … Only thing I understood , was that  from this year females will get tax exemption up to 1.9k . Me Happy J It meant less of investing  .So now, I am back to square one thinking of what to write !@$$%%

People reading this blog of mine , please comment and leave some ideas so that I can come up with many more blogs in the near future.

Till then – CYA !