A LONELY MIND IN SEARCH OF DON'T KNOW WHAT...

Hey ! This blog is exclusively for myself. I had got immensely addicted to blogging for the last couple of months.But, I don't know what's wrong with me , I just can't write anything anymore. I mean I am feeling so damn incomplete, without a goal in life, like an aimless rudderless boat.

A few days back, I had been on an errand for my mom to Rabindra Sadan(1 of the most busiest and buzzing places of Kolkata). I went by Metro. After having finished the work, I felt hungry. And, trust me , I did what I thought was impossible for me - I had my grub alone.

I could never imagine that such a day would come when I would me sitting at some eatery and gobble away my food. I cat never eat alone. I need somebody to accompany me. Sitting on a table of four, all alone, and having this queasy feeling that everybody's ogling at me while I'm putting that huge burger into my mouth was something which I literally dreaded until that day.

I was somehow feeling very lost that day. Wanted a change in life. In one word I was feeling frustrated. I walked staight into the eatery with a seating capacity of around 250, and there I ordered for an Iced Tea and a Veg Sandwich. I occupied the least visible seat in a secluded corner (probably meant for love birds). Tried calling up my boyfriend, so that atleast I could get some company over the phone. But, bad luck ! He was in a meeting :(

So had to have my grub all alone, seldom looking up from my platter and checking out who's checking me out, from the corner of my eyes.

I had devoured the sandwich in no time and I very much regretted my decision of trying to act smart.

It was time for me to come back home. I wasn't feeling like boarding the underground tube, was feeling kinda claustrophobic. Got on a bus and occupied a window seat. It was probably the best journey I'v ever had. The weather was lovely - cloudy and windy. I plugged the earphones of my cell phone into my ears and started the radio.

I was going through the same route that I take almost every day. But, it was different that day. Something had changed inside me. I was feeling happy all of a sudden. My city was looking so beautiful irrespective of the stench, the pathetic long signals, the litter and garbage. I started clicking odd photographs on my cell. Others who were travelling with me, probably thought that I had lost my mind.

And then, finally D moment arrived. It started pouring. The rain came down like a white curtain of water. There was 0% visibility. People in the bus started pulling the windows down. The conductor came to help me with the window, but I resisted. I was simply enjoying the rain. The water, cold and fresh was hitting my face with a pleasant force. After 1 week of unbearable heat and sweat, the city seemed to welcome the rain with open arms. And so did I.

I felt one with Kolkata. Not making much sense , am I?

I got down at my stoppage. It was raining cats and dogs. I walked all the way home - almost a kilometer from the bus stand. The FM station somehow can read our minds i guess. They were playing my favourite and the most apt song for the moment -"Mitwa".

Reached home completely drenched and happy.

This happened a week back. And I was thinking the best way to voice it out. But, somehow my happiness evaporated away with the rain and I was back to square one - dull and aimless. And, i was left with a huge void inside me.

I thought that, in this blog I'll be writing that I cant write anymore. But, whoa ! I have already written so much. This space never betrays me. Thanks !