Tuesday, October 6, 2009

A LONELY MIND IN SEARCH OF DON'T KNOW WHAT...

Hey ! This blog is exclusively for myself. I had got immensely addicted to blogging for the last couple of months.But, I don't know what's wrong with me , I just can't write anything anymore. I mean I am feeling so damn incomplete, without a goal in life, like an aimless rudderless boat.

A few days back, I had been on an errand for my mom to Rabindra Sadan(1 of the most busiest and buzzing places of Kolkata). I went by Metro. After having finished the work, I felt hungry. And, trust me , I did what I thought was impossible for me - I had my grub alone.

I could never imagine that such a day would come when I would me sitting at some eatery and gobble away my food. I cat never eat alone. I need somebody to accompany me. Sitting on a table of four, all alone, and having this queasy feeling that everybody's ogling at me while I'm putting that huge burger into my mouth was something which I literally dreaded until that day.

I was somehow feeling very lost that day. Wanted a change in life. In one word I was feeling frustrated. I walked staight into the eatery with a seating capacity of around 250, and there I ordered for an Iced Tea and a Veg Sandwich. I occupied the least visible seat in a secluded corner (probably meant for love birds). Tried calling up my boyfriend, so that atleast I could get some company over the phone. But, bad luck ! He was in a meeting :(

So had to have my grub all alone, seldom looking up from my platter and checking out who's checking me out, from the corner of my eyes.

I had devoured the sandwich in no time and I very much regretted my decision of trying to act smart.

It was time for me to come back home. I wasn't feeling like boarding the underground tube, was feeling kinda claustrophobic. Got on a bus and occupied a window seat. It was probably the best journey I'v ever had. The weather was lovely - cloudy and windy. I plugged the earphones of my cell phone into my ears and started the radio.

I was going through the same route that I take almost every day. But, it was different that day. Something had changed inside me. I was feeling happy all of a sudden. My city was looking so beautiful irrespective of the stench, the pathetic long signals, the litter and garbage. I started clicking odd photographs on my cell. Others who were travelling with me, probably thought that I had lost my mind.

And then, finally D moment arrived. It started pouring. The rain came down like a white curtain of water. There was 0% visibility. People in the bus started pulling the windows down. The conductor came to help me with the window, but I resisted. I was simply enjoying the rain. The water, cold and fresh was hitting my face with a pleasant force. After 1 week of unbearable heat and sweat, the city seemed to welcome the rain with open arms. And so did I.

I felt one with Kolkata. Not making much sense , am I?

I got down at my stoppage. It was raining cats and dogs. I walked all the way home - almost a kilometer from the bus stand. The FM station somehow can read our minds i guess. They were playing my favourite and the most apt song for the moment -"Mitwa".

Reached home completely drenched and happy.

This happened a week back. And I was thinking the best way to voice it out. But, somehow my happiness evaporated away with the rain and I was back to square one - dull and aimless. And, i was left with a huge void inside me.

I thought that, in this blog I'll be writing that I cant write anymore. But, whoa ! I have already written so much. This space never betrays me. Thanks !

2 comments:

Drama Addict said...

I'm sure youll be fine. The best way to figure out what u wanna do is to just be alone and figure it out. I go the beach sometimes on my own, dig my feet into the sand and just think. Havent had to do it for awhile coz my life seems to be going ok lately. Lets just hope it keeps up. Just keep smiling and things will get better =D

Sohini said...

@ Drama := thanks buddy .. though there's no beach around, i guess i'll be fine sooner or later