Friday, October 23, 2009

I,ME,MYSELF


This is the story of three friends – ‘I’, ‘Me’ and ‘Myself’ - Three inseparable souls at childhood.  But then ‘I’ died of chronic depression and nothing was the same anymore.

Well, let's take you back to the time when 'I' was born. ‘I’ was this fair, cute bundle of joy born to a beautiful couple. ‘I’ was everything her parents wanted their child to be. She was smart, clever, cute, naughty, and adorable and every good thing you can think of. God seemed to have made her with great care.

Her parents gave her a great upbringing and were proud of the way she was shaping up as a human being. She had a heart of gold. She laughed with others in joy and cried with them in their grief. She loved to love and be loved back. She was a bundle of happiness and energy. Her mere presence lit up a party and was sheer bliss to all - family, friends and even strangers.

Her parents gave her all that they could afford - The best of education, the best food and the best dresses. She wore pink frocks with frills and laces and looked like an angel. A few American tourists begged her parents for a photo shoot with “I” on her first day out . They had never seen such an innocent beauty in their lives.

'I' met 'Me’ and ‘Myself’ when they barely started walking. They became very good friends as they grew older. ‘Me’ was smarter than 'I' in many aspects and 'I' kind of hero worshipped 'Me'. 'Myself' on the other hand was a bit shy. An introvert, she was scared of facing the world. She preferred ‘I’ to 'Me' for her innocence and simplicity.

In no time they grew up to become beautiful women.

‘I’ was the homely kind, who dreamt a lot with wide open eyes. She dreamt of a fun filled utopic world, one of those fairy tale existences where a prince charming would come and plant a true-love-kiss and sweep her off her feet to live happily ever after. She stayed away from discord of any kind.

'Me' teased her and called her Peter Pan.‘I’ was still this child at heart. She said that she hated growing up. 'Me' was smarter than that. She knew the rules of the world and abided by them. She wanted to reach the zenith of her dreams. She got a degree, fulfilled her own and her parent's dream and started working for a software firm.   She chased and got what everybody wanted - Fame and wealth.

 'Myself' was the slow and steady type. She took things gently at her stride. She cared more about what the rest of the world thought about her. She put more stress on other's opinions. She always wanted to live up to others’ expectations and hardly managed to succeed.

It was a rainy night when ‘I’, ‘Me’ and ‘Myself’ were having their tea. ‘I’ heard a puppy screaming on the streets. She rushed downstairs, almost killed herself, rescued the pup and brought it home. ‘I’s father was not an 'Awwwww, such a cute little dog' kind of person. No sooner had he set his eyes on it that hell broke loose. He ordered her to leave the pup at some local market, where it could fend for itself.

‘I’ didn't budge. She was perplexed. “Always show mercy on needy ones!”- her dad taught her when she was a little girl."Was that all for the heck of it?" she thought.

"Listen to your dad” 'Me' told her.

"You should always listen to your elders" joined 'Myself'

"Even if they are wrong?" asked 'I'.

"YES" chorused 'Me' and 'Myself'.

The young and unsure 'I' didn't have the audacity to fight against so many. She had to give in to her dad. And the puppy was gone.

It was too much of a shock for ‘I’. She loved her family and thought that parents were always right. But that day she woke up to another reality…The virtues she had learnt as a child could be a vice as an adult, she realized. It was a difficult transition.

 “Everyday life virtues needed to be practiced selectively,” 'Myself' explained to her.
“You need to understand that the biggest virtue required for surviving in this BIG BAD WORLD is to know when to use which virtue, or if to use them at all...”

All these were too much for 'I' to understand.

She pondered, brooded and mulled over it. She even tried to change and become like 'Me' 
or 'Myself'. But, she couldn’t.

Something had snapped within her and her health deteriorated overnight. She knew her end was near. During her last few days, she even refused to see her parents, she loved so much. She didn’t want to talk to 'Me' who had become too mercenary and practical.  ‘Me’ somehow did not understand her anymore.

On her deathbed she only asked to see ‘Myself ‘. She whispered her last wish in her ears…

“Remember me always, not the way you want to, but the way I want the world to remember me."

“Remember me in the rays of sun
  Remember me in bliss and fun
 Remember me in an innocent smile
Remember me where there’s no guile”

And 'I' died.

'Me' forgot 'I' in no time. But 'Myself' didn't, rather couldn't. The last words of 'I' had made a great impact on ‘Myself’s life. She always tried to keep the essence of 'I' alive within her.

If you are wondering, who ‘I’, 'Me' and ‘Myself’ were, well let me tell you they all are the same. They are all a part of me.

'I' was, as I was born - The one who suffered at every juncture of life, and experienced devastation at the hollowness of life. That part of me which got torn into pieces, which no matter how hard I tried,  “I” couldn’t get back together.

'Me'  was the more practical me, as I grew older. Warped by the rules of the society, chasing the unknown whether I liked it or not. It was that part of me that willingly joined the rat race - That part which had to undo a lot of childhood learning in order to survive - The smug, selfish, self-centered creature born out of societal pressure.

'Myself' - hmmm.... Well it was a struggling remnant of 'I' – A part of me that grew up to fulfill the expectations of people who mattered. That part that tries doing things ‘Me’s way, but can never forget the 'I'.  How can she ever forget ‘I’, the very reason of her existence? “I” will hopefully continue to live within her in the last vestiges of innocence and goodness buried deep in her in “I’s” fond memory.

2 comments:

Unique Aru said...

u are so right...the 'i' lives forever even wen we think its dead... nice sohini..i'm really liking ur blogs...

Sohini said...

@ Aru :- Yeah , i experience it daily in small and big things ....