BLATTODEPHOBIA - KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS ?

There's just one thing, on the face of the universe, which gives me the creeps.

U can say, I'm just phobic to it. The small hairs, at the back of my neck stand erect, I almost stop breathing, thinking that even the sound of my breath can draw their attention towards me. The sound of anything fluttering, in no time, draws an image of them in my head. I am simply a maniac.

Oh! I haven't mentioned it , right ? I hate saying their name, as if it's an omen, like Voldemort.

COCKROACHES ..... I hate them to the point, where if I see one, I will not be satisfied until I know I have killed it( someone kills it for me, technically), and if I see one at night, I won't sleep until I know it's dead.

God! I simply get hysteric, if I get to locate one, even a kilometer away from me. I scream at the top of my voice, for help and can't budge an inch.I get glued to whichever position I was, before setting my eye on that beast. Once, when I was a kid, no one was at home, except me and a roach. I screamed for help so loud that my neighbors came to rescue me, thinking that some real disaster had befallen me.

There was another incident, which happened, not a long time ago. We were celebrating Holi at a friend's place. That too happened to be in Central Kolkata. I was taking my bath in the almost stone age bathroom. There, it was! On the door, looking at me, sensing me with it's antennae and warming up it's crispy brown wings for flight.

A cockroach, which too looked to have come from the Stone Age. It was fat, dark brown and almost the size of a pen-drive.

I was at the verge of a thrombosis. I called out for help from within as I couldn't reach the door, coz that horrible thing was sitting on the very bolt of the door. So, Aunty had to come inside and save me from it. She cought it with her bare hands and simply flushed it down the commode - It was that easy for her. I was standing there in a towel, devoid of all shame, soaked with fear from head to toe. I had grown numb.

Now, I teach this small boy. He stays in one of those crumbling houses of North Kolkata. The house is almost 200 years old and a habitat of almost millions of cockroaches. Every day I go there, and I stand outside, on the streets. From there I give the boy's mom a missed call on her cell phone. She comes down everyday, and escorts me upstairs.

I do this, as zillions of cockroaches move around at the entrance. It's like Joe's Apartment. They almost make me pee in my pants. I had even thought of quitting, but the mom won't leave me. She's dependent on me for her son's education. Yesterday, I almost drew out blood in her arms as she tried to shield me from the roaches. She acts as a human shield.

It's funny to people, that how can such a small insect scare a 5 ft6 " so much? Many think that I do this for seeking attention. But, it's me alone who knows what they do to me. I am even thinking of consulting a doc. It's abnormal, is it?

Everyday, I feel like bunking the tuition only because, I don't want to be subjected to that torment. They even haunt me in my dreams. God! i must have been one of them in my previous birth and probably had betrayed them.

Just, thought of sharing my fears with the world. If anybody out there have similar fears, and thinking of ways to work it out, do post.

I might have to leave for Mumbai for a new job. I have never been away from my family, from my guy. But they hardly bother me. The only thing that's bothering me is, what if I am alone in the house and there's a cockroach in my room ? Who shall kill it for me? No Dad, no bf, no Gramps =( .....

And trust me, it's cockroach alone that is delaying my decision and I am just a cockroach away from my dream career.