What u made of me

Together we spent splendid moments
Moments of love and care
Together we grew up in love and life
A single life we both shared


Then there came a moment
When a chill crept between us
U started despising the word 'Together'
It became u and me - and no more 'US'


U stayed away from me for days
And days counted to years
A foolish me and ignorant as i was
Bore it all with tears


I thought of u daily
U were always there on my mind
I tried bringing u back somehow
But the old you i could no more find

Finally u said it , the 3 grave words
The words that ruined my life
They turned my life upside down
And cut through my heart like a knife


You no more wanted to be a part of me
And wanted a life of your own
You said 'You wanna quit ' and broke my heart
As if it was made of stone


You ousted me out of your house
And i didn't know where to go
I stood there alone with tears shut in my eyes
Drained of all strength for any further to go


I lost my faith , i lost it all
My smiles faded away
And now it's an act of happiness
That i manage to put up everyday

Alone r we ?

Life so full of so many things ;hardly any time for socializing , family , friends and above everything ourselves. Everyday we meet so many people starting from home to office/college/school and back home.But in this huge ocean of similar breeds we are sill alone.Today we have relatives ,friends,well wishers .But think of it , if a day comes when you are left with nothing -wealth,fame,looks; nothing at all ,are you still going to have everybody by you ?well the answer is obvious .a big 'NO".
when we dont have someone to love us we crave for one . we think that we are lonely. we feel jealous whenever we cross happy couples walking hand in hand.we curse god for not giving us a shoulder to lean on , a hand to hold ,someone special to love.But no sooner than we get the special person than we start feeling choked .
i have seen so many relations.the time they are born they are probably the most heavenly thing on the face of the earth . but very soon they breathe out their last breath and fall dead.the girl complains that 'He didnt give me enough time' and the guy complains ' i hardly had any time for myself'.And again both gets lost in the crowd of zillions as 'Lonely'.
at times i feel that more than desiring to fall in love , we desire to fall out of Loneliness.we fear to stay alone .we are scared that at times of solitude, we might come face to face with 'OURSELF' by the true sense of the word and that's going to be tough .
we like living for others .we love to please others before pleasing ourselves. thats what we have turned ourselves into . its like the least of all the things we love is 'US'. And since we cannot love ourselves , we cannot love others as well . but thats what we want . we want to love others and want to be loved.
Everyday we meet our friends , hang out whenever we find time , but as soon as the day wraps up a gloom encircles our life . at times i feel that its like the Dementors of Harry Potter. They suck out every lil good feeling from us .we sulk all the time cribbing about things we dont have.
singles sulk about loneliness, couples complain about each other and wish for a more free life , students crib about education and thinks how good it would be to be working , corporates crib about life in Office and how good were those school days(mind it they are the ones who ones cribbed when they were students) . so u see "THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE"...
Today more and more people are suffering from the same disease and that's FRUSTRATION . theres no remedy for this disease . No doc can help a frustrated mind.only oneself can help .
When i sit back at home , i get bored . i feel alone ,crave for company , always feel like moving out of the house , hang out with friends.when i am at office just the reverse happens .i get tired of talking to people . i get tired of company and long for a lil space i can call exclusively mine and the first name that come to my mind is - HOME .
so u see we human beings are never satisfied . and this sense of dissatisfaction is the main cause of our loneliness.we are somehow getting lost within ourselves. we are so afraid of coping up with loneliness that we are ready to embrace slavery in any form .when we cannot think of living our own life , we start living for others. just to escape loneliness.
i know that all that i am writing will probably make very lil sense .but there's so much within me and trust me i fail to construct my inner voice into properly arranged english sentences.

Watched 'Aranye Din Ratri' a few days back . Whoa ! i was simply bowled over ... How can ne 1 make a movie of that kind , a movie so not like a movie .... Its the best movie ever made by Satyajit Ray ...

I still go weak in my knees at the very sight of Soumitra Chatterjee (he's my grandpa's age) ... And he looked simply stunning in that movie ... AT times i feel that bengali actors of such calibre should have got the recognition they deserved . I mean Amitabh Bachchan's name is known by every one under the bule sky . They should watch Soumitra ,Rabi Ghosh ,Uttam Kumar .... Man it was some movie ...

The movie was about 4 friends from Calcutta who goes on a trip to the jungles of Palamau .. they want to break all ties with civilization .Rabi Ghosh (aka Shekhar) burns a Statesman and says that they no longer have any connection with the civilized socielty ...

The tribals of India are so deprived . they live in utter poverty ... They have no idea of the developements that's taking place around them , in the very land which they are a part of . and out of this sheer negligence and deprivation ,terrorism takes birth ...

Satyajit Ray has potrayed this in such a subtle manner ... Soumitra bribes the poor caretaker of the forest bunglow to get themselves a room as they had no prior reservation and thanks 'Corruption' for succeeding in persuading the caretaker .

Our generation goes GA- GA over movies like 'Dil chahta Hai '.But with all due respect to Farhan Akhtar ,'Aranye Din Ratri ' is the father of the former. it is also based on the lives of 4 guys but it delivers a message ,shows the real India and the real Indians (poor and deprived -budding terrorists) ...

If anybodu reads this blog of mine I request the same to watch the movie ... It has Eng subtitiles for non bongs to follow ....

another memorable trip

had a blasting weekend.. went to Mandarmani on friday . never seen a more beautiful beach .. it was a long stretch of sand and water and i was simply taken aback ... didnt have a clue that 4 hours drive from home , we had heaven on earth .




It was my second trip with my BF , the first being the 1 where he actually proposed to me . and i was very excited .though he's not at all romantic ,being close to him and living like couples for 2 days without any kind of intervention made me happy .. I'm so surprised that how such small things make me so happy .




two other friends Saurabh and Raj went along and it was a great trip . The first night we boozed like sponges . I was totally high and have bloody no idea what did i do . But according to two of my friends i made a scene which i sorta regret .

my guy couldnt hold his drink . he puked and had a chest infection and fever for the next 2 days and instead of having some cozy moments together , i actually nursed him while he slept throughout .although i dnt regert that . i guess thats what makes love stronger .

God this is so disturbing ...I have no idea what to believe and whom to believe .I just have one good friend(wont mention the name_Letz say X) .I trust X so much , confide in X everything .And the kind of person I am ,I expect X to be the same with me.
But people around me keep telling me things about X and I'm just not ready to buy any as i know that X can never be wrong and X never feels the need to lie to me for any good reason.Once a person who was once very close to X had told me that X is a lier and that even I am not precluded from the list .I had almost fought with that person in the course of defending X.
But then another very good friend of mine witnessed few uncomfortable moments when X was around.And he poured into me as if he was suffering from tremendous acidity and it was absolutely urgent for him to throw up .
And now under many circumstances ,i find it difficult to hold on to my trust .I feel that may be I never tried to see through X and discover the actual person X is .It is troubling me as I dont want to find anything wrong about X .
I would loved to be proved wrong as X is the only friend I have.